It's been a while since I've written anything- and a lot of that is purposefully. As most stories start...."So, I met this guy...", and most stories have a middle..."things are going great, I'm so in-love!", and ALL stories have an end. In my perpetual downfall of intimate relationships, it usually goes like this, "what a cock-sucking asshole, he can rot in hell!" And that is that!
I've gone round and round in this type of vicious cycle for so long- but, then I was thrust right into the sweet, loving arms of my boyfriend of about ----waaaaait for iiiit---- *2 months*. So, you see, it's hard to write about this- because we're in that "middle" part- we're currently designing our own story for our particular ending. All you have to know is that things are pretty amazing. Amazing because he cooks, amazing because he works hard, loves his job, amazing because he has completely embraced my dogs as his own, amazing because he embraces my friends
, and amazing because he's absolutely embraced me into every aspect of his life. I feel like I'm part of a team that has such a bigger, better purpose than just me on my own.
So, we're on the way....to something. Right now we're sitting at that infamous fork- do we go left, do we go right, or do we go straight ahead?! I can't predict the future, but with time, I do know that everything will work out just fine!
Monday, August 8, 2011
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Deep Fried, Powdered Sugar Dinner
Have you ever eaten beignets for dinner?
No?
I have.
I've eaten them after a long beach vacation. And yes, I had spent the prior week in a bathing suit, feeling really bad about myself.
I came home from vacation right at dinner time, and after looking through the pantry, and the refrigerator, coming up empty handed- I eyeballed the box of Cafe DuMonde beignet mix.
Sure, I had spent the last 4 days on the beach, consuming a liquid caloric intake waaaaaay past the recommended daily maximum, but I needed to eat dinner. And, I had no milk to throw together macaroni & cheese and tuna fish (which is always my last resort, emergency dinner- thanks, Mom), so beignet's it was.
And it was magnificently delicious.
On a side note, I had my brother move the treadmill into my room this afternoon.
My theory is, if it stares me down everyday, maybe I'll eventually want to get on the thing.
Probably not.
But, at least my motives are well intended.
No?
I have.
I've eaten them after a long beach vacation. And yes, I had spent the prior week in a bathing suit, feeling really bad about myself.
I came home from vacation right at dinner time, and after looking through the pantry, and the refrigerator, coming up empty handed- I eyeballed the box of Cafe DuMonde beignet mix.
Sure, I had spent the last 4 days on the beach, consuming a liquid caloric intake waaaaaay past the recommended daily maximum, but I needed to eat dinner. And, I had no milk to throw together macaroni & cheese and tuna fish (which is always my last resort, emergency dinner- thanks, Mom), so beignet's it was.
And it was magnificently delicious.
On a side note, I had my brother move the treadmill into my room this afternoon.
My theory is, if it stares me down everyday, maybe I'll eventually want to get on the thing.
Probably not.
But, at least my motives are well intended.
Sunday, May 1, 2011
My 31 Flavors (and then some...)
Many years ago, one of my best friends posted something on Myspace (that should give you a clue just how long ago it was) that really sat deep with me. What she did was post a list of all of the traits that she was looking for in a man. At that time, the term "man" was loosely defined by us girls, but the point of all of this is that it has stuck with me all of this time what she did. Now, while I don't remember her specific wants in a man, I DO remember how it was just for HER. It wasn't about making anyone else happy, and more than anything, it was to help remind her what it was that she TRULY wanted. I also remember it was a time soon after she broke up with some douchebag, so it probably served as a reminder to her that he wasn't really what she was looking for- even though she was hurting over him at the time.
Here goes my list.
I want a man that's at least 5'10". He will have an appreciation for my Greek culture and heritage. He will respect the Greek Orthodox Church, and agree to raise our children there. He will be kind to others. He will respect me. He will respect my family. He will be affectionate, but not overly affectionate in public. He'll be able to hold a conversation with my dad. He'll enjoy his career path. He will love dogs. He'll support my passion to occassionally foster dogs in need. He'll be close with his family. He'll be able to comunicate with me. He'll make a LOT of money. He'll love the water, and support my "need" for a boat. He will understand that being Greek/a product of my father's genes, means that I will be extremely dramatic (at times), and any fight can be settled over a good pastichio and a shot of ouzo. He'll share my passion for food. He'll encourage me to cook. When we vacation, there will be an entire mapped course- for restaurants. He'll understand that I'm not the best housekeeper. He'll understand that the budget for groceries will ALWAYS be exceeded....always. He'll enjoy sports, but they won't be all-consuming. He'll be great with technology. He'll be able to fix a broken toilet. City living won't be for him. He'll understand that when I go to my "therapist", I'm really going to Macy's. He'll have an appreciation for luxury bedding. He'll be ok that when I get $200 in gift cards to Victoria's Secret for Christmas, I will always spend it on their sweats. He'll understand what it means to truly be hurt, but he won't be bitter. He'll love music...especially the Beatles. If something goes wrong with my car, he'll take care of it. He will be able to buy me a gift without me having to picking it out. He will appreciate my mom's eccentricity. He will watch reruns of Seinfeld- and laugh. He will have my best interest at heart. He will have the ability to apologize. He will make me laugh. He will encourage me. He will be able to have fun with my friends. My friends will like him. He will be trustworthy. He will enjoy wine- not just cheap beer. He will trust my judgment in buying his clothes. He will like my taste in decor. He won't take a shit with the bathroom door wide open. It will take him less than 30 minutes to get ready for any event. He'll accompany me on trips to Atlanta to see my sister- and get my hair done. He'll know the difference between "your" and "you're", and will always use the right one. He will never use "ur" instead of the previous pronunciation. Most of all, he will be my best friend.
Here goes my list.
I want a man that's at least 5'10". He will have an appreciation for my Greek culture and heritage. He will respect the Greek Orthodox Church, and agree to raise our children there. He will be kind to others. He will respect me. He will respect my family. He will be affectionate, but not overly affectionate in public. He'll be able to hold a conversation with my dad. He'll enjoy his career path. He will love dogs. He'll support my passion to occassionally foster dogs in need. He'll be close with his family. He'll be able to comunicate with me. He'll make a LOT of money. He'll love the water, and support my "need" for a boat. He will understand that being Greek/a product of my father's genes, means that I will be extremely dramatic (at times), and any fight can be settled over a good pastichio and a shot of ouzo. He'll share my passion for food. He'll encourage me to cook. When we vacation, there will be an entire mapped course- for restaurants. He'll understand that I'm not the best housekeeper. He'll understand that the budget for groceries will ALWAYS be exceeded....always. He'll enjoy sports, but they won't be all-consuming. He'll be great with technology. He'll be able to fix a broken toilet. City living won't be for him. He'll understand that when I go to my "therapist", I'm really going to Macy's. He'll have an appreciation for luxury bedding. He'll be ok that when I get $200 in gift cards to Victoria's Secret for Christmas, I will always spend it on their sweats. He'll understand what it means to truly be hurt, but he won't be bitter. He'll love music...especially the Beatles. If something goes wrong with my car, he'll take care of it. He will be able to buy me a gift without me having to picking it out. He will appreciate my mom's eccentricity. He will watch reruns of Seinfeld- and laugh. He will have my best interest at heart. He will have the ability to apologize. He will make me laugh. He will encourage me. He will be able to have fun with my friends. My friends will like him. He will be trustworthy. He will enjoy wine- not just cheap beer. He will trust my judgment in buying his clothes. He will like my taste in decor. He won't take a shit with the bathroom door wide open. It will take him less than 30 minutes to get ready for any event. He'll accompany me on trips to Atlanta to see my sister- and get my hair done. He'll know the difference between "your" and "you're", and will always use the right one. He will never use "ur" instead of the previous pronunciation. Most of all, he will be my best friend.
Thursday, April 28, 2011
All Good Things Come To An End
So, after 10 weeks of spending many blissful moments with Asian Persuasion, we ended things yesterday. It was done in a classy way- at the Rafferty's bar. Yep. You guessed it....I chose another "winner".
After he gave me a key to his house, told me he loved me, wanted to plan a vacation together for December, discussed moving in together, and had me double up on all of my things to keep at his house, so I could be comfortable there and stay as much as possible- he tells me he's "just not sure what he wants". So, of course, my strong-willed, independent, bitch came out and said "let me make this REAL easy for you, asshole".
Men are ridiculous. I have no idea why someone would put you through all of that. Why after spending 4 years single, would they wrap you around their finger, allow you to truly trust them, only to end it in the Rafferty's BAR, and never even a mention before that, that anything was wrong. That's what I get for dating a 27 year old.
So, here I am. Back at square 1. Back to the drawing board.
I don't understand men, and I'm not sure I ever will. The lack of care, respect, and communication from the majority of men that I have met is unbelievable! As you can tell, I'm still angry- not so much at him- more at myself. The ability to trust someone so easily, and actually believe that I had met someone who cared about me enough to put me above the little things in life. I know that all things happen for a reason, and all of those BS things people say to you in times like these- but, how am I supposed to ever really trust someone after these experiences?
The most stable man in my life has been my 6 year old Yellow Labrador Retriever. He sleeps next to me every night, doesn't care what I cook for dinner, and never complains about the house being dirty. Although, his love affair with tennis balls has gotten a little out of control, so we'll need to work on his commitment issues. Lucky for me, I've got an amazing therapist...
After he gave me a key to his house, told me he loved me, wanted to plan a vacation together for December, discussed moving in together, and had me double up on all of my things to keep at his house, so I could be comfortable there and stay as much as possible- he tells me he's "just not sure what he wants". So, of course, my strong-willed, independent, bitch came out and said "let me make this REAL easy for you, asshole".
Men are ridiculous. I have no idea why someone would put you through all of that. Why after spending 4 years single, would they wrap you around their finger, allow you to truly trust them, only to end it in the Rafferty's BAR, and never even a mention before that, that anything was wrong. That's what I get for dating a 27 year old.
So, here I am. Back at square 1. Back to the drawing board.
I don't understand men, and I'm not sure I ever will. The lack of care, respect, and communication from the majority of men that I have met is unbelievable! As you can tell, I'm still angry- not so much at him- more at myself. The ability to trust someone so easily, and actually believe that I had met someone who cared about me enough to put me above the little things in life. I know that all things happen for a reason, and all of those BS things people say to you in times like these- but, how am I supposed to ever really trust someone after these experiences?
The most stable man in my life has been my 6 year old Yellow Labrador Retriever. He sleeps next to me every night, doesn't care what I cook for dinner, and never complains about the house being dirty. Although, his love affair with tennis balls has gotten a little out of control, so we'll need to work on his commitment issues. Lucky for me, I've got an amazing therapist...
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Getting To Know Your Character
The TV series, Sex and the City, first appeared on television in 1998. I watched my first episode when I was a freshman in college (2002) thanks to 2 of my best friends and a handful of heartbreaks for the two of them. I was 19, and in a blissful relationship that would come to be known as husband numero uno, and I had absolutely NO clue what Carrie Bradshaw was talking about, or the experiences that Samantha Jones went through. I had had one other boyfriend before meeting my husband, and what I knew about love was relatively naive, and beautiful. Watching Sex and the City was an addiction for many girls my age- but for me, it was purely for entertainment purposes. The closest I could relate to any of the characters was Charlotte's determination to get married and have babies, and live a "perfect" life. As is the case for most 19 year olds, what I had expected out of life then, was not the same thing that I expected at 25. I would presume that I will not expect the same things at 30 as I did at 25...time will tell.
I came home from a long day at work the other night, changed straight into my sweats, got into bed, curled up with my dogs, and turned on the TV- Sex and the City was on. It had been a full day of storms and tornadic activity for us in the south, and I had spent most of my day at a different one of our offices interviewing for a promotion. I had kept a smile on my face all day until I turned on the TV and heard the familiar sound of the Sex and the City opening music. I hadn't watched the show in a long time, and a FLOOD of emotion came over me! Why?!? Most likely becuase I was PMSing, but, even today I am still trying to decypher why it effected me like it did.
I think when I watch that show now at 27 years old, as opposed to 19, I actually CAN relate to all of the characters. I get how Carrie jumps from one relationship to another, all-along clinging to the most unhealthy relationships of them all. I get how Samantha wants to live a wildly thrilling life, and instead of committing to one man, just have a little taste of them all. I get how Maranda is driven, and puts her career first, and mostly thrives off of the relationships with her friends. And Charlotte, sweet Charlotte....as much as I related to her at 19, I just haven't had that in me over the past 4 years. I'm slowly but surely seeing more and more of her in me, but whereas I use to solely relate to her, I am now more diversified. I think as I've entered into my late 20's, I've began to have more of a well-rounded view of all of those characters. Obviously, I am my own person, and I could never relate solely to one of the girls in the show, but I GET them all now. At 19, they were a mere fragment of what I knew about life and love, and could easily watch a whole season in one evening with my best friends, a few cosmo's, and some super MSG-charged chinese food. And now, at 27, I find myself weeping over the situations that are depicted in the show because once you walk your own path of self discovery, you KNOW you will never
JUST
be
Charlotte.
I came home from a long day at work the other night, changed straight into my sweats, got into bed, curled up with my dogs, and turned on the TV- Sex and the City was on. It had been a full day of storms and tornadic activity for us in the south, and I had spent most of my day at a different one of our offices interviewing for a promotion. I had kept a smile on my face all day until I turned on the TV and heard the familiar sound of the Sex and the City opening music. I hadn't watched the show in a long time, and a FLOOD of emotion came over me! Why?!? Most likely becuase I was PMSing, but, even today I am still trying to decypher why it effected me like it did.
I think when I watch that show now at 27 years old, as opposed to 19, I actually CAN relate to all of the characters. I get how Carrie jumps from one relationship to another, all-along clinging to the most unhealthy relationships of them all. I get how Samantha wants to live a wildly thrilling life, and instead of committing to one man, just have a little taste of them all. I get how Maranda is driven, and puts her career first, and mostly thrives off of the relationships with her friends. And Charlotte, sweet Charlotte....as much as I related to her at 19, I just haven't had that in me over the past 4 years. I'm slowly but surely seeing more and more of her in me, but whereas I use to solely relate to her, I am now more diversified. I think as I've entered into my late 20's, I've began to have more of a well-rounded view of all of those characters. Obviously, I am my own person, and I could never relate solely to one of the girls in the show, but I GET them all now. At 19, they were a mere fragment of what I knew about life and love, and could easily watch a whole season in one evening with my best friends, a few cosmo's, and some super MSG-charged chinese food. And now, at 27, I find myself weeping over the situations that are depicted in the show because once you walk your own path of self discovery, you KNOW you will never
JUST
be
Charlotte.
Friday, February 11, 2011
Seeing Red
I did something tonight that just might make me slightly crazy.
For those of you that know me- I'm sure you're thinking, "Oh Laawwd, what has she done now?!" But, it was truly amazing.
Valentine's Day is coming up, and all I’ve seen since New Year’s is a bunch of little red hearts plastered all over the Walgreen’s aisles, candies packaged in pink, red, and white, and the most annoying Jewelry store commercials...I can tell you from experience, that every kiss does NOT begin with Kay, and if the only way you can get that warm tingly feeling inside is to scream “He got it at Jared”…obviously, my batteries work better than yours.
I've planned a single's night out for my friends on Monday, so we can go out, and help get our minds off of the fact that no one is coming home to us with a corny card, those terrible tasting hearts with sayings on them, and a shit eating grin- which, undeniably would end in a tango in the sheets. I am still ridiculously excited to spend the evening with a group of friends that are near and dear to my heart. And although I don’t have a man to call my “own”, I have plenty of love from the dearest of friends, and I know I am a very lucky girl.
So, ok, ok- back to the thing that makes me crazy...
Tonight, I booked a hotel for myself. Had dinner by myself. Turned off my cell phone, tuned out work emails, painted my fingernails, washed off my makeup, and did absolutely nothing. I sprawled out in bed watching Thursday night TV, ignoring all outside distractions, and treating myself to quite possibly, the best Valentine's Day, ever. Being in a hotel room reminded me of the days when I use to travel frequently for work- only in this instance, my feet and legs weren’t about to fall off from complete exhaustion, and I was allowed to unwind to a few glasses of wine (worked for a Christian Co. that didn’t allow drinking) and a Jersey Mike’s sub. I ate in bed, in my pajama’s- not caring that I didn’t put deodorant on, or that my hair was in complete disarray. I know I don’t have kids, or a husband- but, I still have a ton of responsibilities at home, and being able to tune EVERYTHING out for one night was complete bliss. I can’t imagine what mom’s and dad’s must go through. I highly encourage you to take a night out for yourself when you can. Do nothing! It feels fabulous.
This Valentine’s Day, I’m not going to be sad for the things that I don’t have. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that companionship lies far beyond a 2c diamond ring. I know that love comes to me in the form of the dinners that my brother cooks for me, the nudges that my dogs give me, the encouragement from my mom and dad, and the amazing good times with my friends. Do something for those you love, and those that are close to you on Monday, even if you are single! Xoxo
For those of you that know me- I'm sure you're thinking, "Oh Laawwd, what has she done now?!" But, it was truly amazing.
Valentine's Day is coming up, and all I’ve seen since New Year’s is a bunch of little red hearts plastered all over the Walgreen’s aisles, candies packaged in pink, red, and white, and the most annoying Jewelry store commercials...I can tell you from experience, that every kiss does NOT begin with Kay, and if the only way you can get that warm tingly feeling inside is to scream “He got it at Jared”…obviously, my batteries work better than yours.
I've planned a single's night out for my friends on Monday, so we can go out, and help get our minds off of the fact that no one is coming home to us with a corny card, those terrible tasting hearts with sayings on them, and a shit eating grin- which, undeniably would end in a tango in the sheets. I am still ridiculously excited to spend the evening with a group of friends that are near and dear to my heart. And although I don’t have a man to call my “own”, I have plenty of love from the dearest of friends, and I know I am a very lucky girl.
So, ok, ok- back to the thing that makes me crazy...
Tonight, I booked a hotel for myself. Had dinner by myself. Turned off my cell phone, tuned out work emails, painted my fingernails, washed off my makeup, and did absolutely nothing. I sprawled out in bed watching Thursday night TV, ignoring all outside distractions, and treating myself to quite possibly, the best Valentine's Day, ever. Being in a hotel room reminded me of the days when I use to travel frequently for work- only in this instance, my feet and legs weren’t about to fall off from complete exhaustion, and I was allowed to unwind to a few glasses of wine (worked for a Christian Co. that didn’t allow drinking) and a Jersey Mike’s sub. I ate in bed, in my pajama’s- not caring that I didn’t put deodorant on, or that my hair was in complete disarray. I know I don’t have kids, or a husband- but, I still have a ton of responsibilities at home, and being able to tune EVERYTHING out for one night was complete bliss. I can’t imagine what mom’s and dad’s must go through. I highly encourage you to take a night out for yourself when you can. Do nothing! It feels fabulous.
This Valentine’s Day, I’m not going to be sad for the things that I don’t have. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that companionship lies far beyond a 2c diamond ring. I know that love comes to me in the form of the dinners that my brother cooks for me, the nudges that my dogs give me, the encouragement from my mom and dad, and the amazing good times with my friends. Do something for those you love, and those that are close to you on Monday, even if you are single! Xoxo
Saturday, January 8, 2011
3 - 3
Have you ever had a feeling that God must be playing a really big joke on you? Like at any minute, Ashton Kutcher is going to jump out and yell "Punk'd!" at you?? I felt like that tonight.
For the second day in a row, I have had a second date....with the same person. We enjoyed ourselves AGAIN so much tonight, that a third date is planned tomorrow- 3 days in a row.
Now, in all honesty- this comes as a huge shock to me. Earlier this week I was crying to my mom over a possible root canal, and the ever-looming feeling that I'm never going to get married (again) and have children. Next minute, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday nights are all full with my new found internet boyfriend! I have spent a lot of time with this guy, considering it's only been around 48 hours since I met him....and we've talked about everything from music to religion to addressing some of the skeletons in our closets. It's been- amazing! I can't remember the last time a guy got underneath my skin this way, and it's hard not to be so skeptical of the whole thing. I'm waiting (and if I'm honest with myself, I'm *hoping*) for him to show his true colors, become a complete lunatic, and get taken away in handcuffs any minute! He has been entirely too nice to me- and how sad is it that I give him looks like he MUST be growing a 3rd eye, each time he gives me a compliment???
In my experience, most (not all) men are very good at putting up a quick front- but I'm able to see through them. Usually they divert their attention to the football game that's on the TV- but this guy listens attentively, makes me feel like I'm beautiful (inside and out), he is considerate of my wants, has very good communication skills, and is a cultured man of the world.
Tonight, he kissed me. And for the very first time, in a long time, I got that excited feeling deep in my stomach- which I usually reserve for Ruth's Chris dinners. But, this guy makes me crave a lot more than food!
To be continued...
For the second day in a row, I have had a second date....with the same person. We enjoyed ourselves AGAIN so much tonight, that a third date is planned tomorrow- 3 days in a row.
Now, in all honesty- this comes as a huge shock to me. Earlier this week I was crying to my mom over a possible root canal, and the ever-looming feeling that I'm never going to get married (again) and have children. Next minute, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday nights are all full with my new found internet boyfriend! I have spent a lot of time with this guy, considering it's only been around 48 hours since I met him....and we've talked about everything from music to religion to addressing some of the skeletons in our closets. It's been- amazing! I can't remember the last time a guy got underneath my skin this way, and it's hard not to be so skeptical of the whole thing. I'm waiting (and if I'm honest with myself, I'm *hoping*) for him to show his true colors, become a complete lunatic, and get taken away in handcuffs any minute! He has been entirely too nice to me- and how sad is it that I give him looks like he MUST be growing a 3rd eye, each time he gives me a compliment???
In my experience, most (not all) men are very good at putting up a quick front- but I'm able to see through them. Usually they divert their attention to the football game that's on the TV- but this guy listens attentively, makes me feel like I'm beautiful (inside and out), he is considerate of my wants, has very good communication skills, and is a cultured man of the world.
Tonight, he kissed me. And for the very first time, in a long time, I got that excited feeling deep in my stomach- which I usually reserve for Ruth's Chris dinners. But, this guy makes me crave a lot more than food!
To be continued...
Monday, December 27, 2010
Holiday Recap, So To Speak
I haven't written in a while. Part of that has been due to the busy holiday season, and part of it has been due to an internal struggle with having an actual "blog", and writing about intricate details pertaining to my life. While a lot of it is entertaining...certainly, some of it can be disheartening, and even hurtful to those that I don't actually mean to hurt. With that said, the underlying truth is that I have daily topics that run through my head that scream "that would make a great blog!". So, here I am, returning to what helps shine a light into my personal life.
The whirlwind internet dating is over. I will take a much needed break, and when I'm feeling JUST empty enough inside again, I will probably sign my soul over, and give it another attempt. It wasn't successful for me at all- but, I can say that I did make 1 long lasting friendship out of it, which is enough for me.
I did attempt to date a 48 year old Greek guy (whom I met at church), but it was a COMPLETE disaster, and partially made me hate myself for ending it by being such a mean bitch. He and I were night and day...I don't know what I was thinking....it had to be his Greek genes that kept me intrigued for a full month- and seeing him slave over the gyro grill at the Greek Festival certainly didn't hurt, but it ended quickly after he served me lentil soup and salad for dinner one night (ahem, a GERIATRIC dinner!). He was EXTREMELY religious, which at first I found sexy, but I think the final straw for him was learning that I would (gasp!) share a room with guys that are friends on an upcoming vacation. It's funny to me now though....God, I'm an idiot for idiot men!
I have recently been having strange dreams...and men from my past, whom I will never talk with again, have been popping up. No matter how bad they were to me, I always end up with underlying guilt that we're not "cool" with each other. There are very few of those men in my life...and if we're not on speaking terms it's for good reason, but still- it does bother me deep down and has been making random appearances in my dreams. That is definitely a guilty trait that I inherited from my mother. My mom would feel guilty if someone else chopped off HER arm.
2010 is coming to an end, and I am ready to say "sianara, sucka!" I will be lucky enough to ring in the New Year with some girlfriends in New Orleans, LA. I wish everyone the best for 2011! May the New Year bring you much happiness, lots of love, and a fresh wardrobe complete with Manolo Blahniks.
The whirlwind internet dating is over. I will take a much needed break, and when I'm feeling JUST empty enough inside again, I will probably sign my soul over, and give it another attempt. It wasn't successful for me at all- but, I can say that I did make 1 long lasting friendship out of it, which is enough for me.
I did attempt to date a 48 year old Greek guy (whom I met at church), but it was a COMPLETE disaster, and partially made me hate myself for ending it by being such a mean bitch. He and I were night and day...I don't know what I was thinking....it had to be his Greek genes that kept me intrigued for a full month- and seeing him slave over the gyro grill at the Greek Festival certainly didn't hurt, but it ended quickly after he served me lentil soup and salad for dinner one night (ahem, a GERIATRIC dinner!). He was EXTREMELY religious, which at first I found sexy, but I think the final straw for him was learning that I would (gasp!) share a room with guys that are friends on an upcoming vacation. It's funny to me now though....God, I'm an idiot for idiot men!
I have recently been having strange dreams...and men from my past, whom I will never talk with again, have been popping up. No matter how bad they were to me, I always end up with underlying guilt that we're not "cool" with each other. There are very few of those men in my life...and if we're not on speaking terms it's for good reason, but still- it does bother me deep down and has been making random appearances in my dreams. That is definitely a guilty trait that I inherited from my mother. My mom would feel guilty if someone else chopped off HER arm.
2010 is coming to an end, and I am ready to say "sianara, sucka!" I will be lucky enough to ring in the New Year with some girlfriends in New Orleans, LA. I wish everyone the best for 2011! May the New Year bring you much happiness, lots of love, and a fresh wardrobe complete with Manolo Blahniks.
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Change of Heart
It was a Friday morning, and I could think of a million places I would rather be than right where I was at that moment. I was sitting in a Project Costing session, learning all about how to work with our finance team and a new version of our budgets. It was being held in a small room in the building's basement, big enough to hold around 50 people seated at tables, and illuminated by flourescent lights. The overhead made a constant, dull, murmur that was just loud enough for my mind to escape and let my thoughts wonder for a bit.
The first logical thought was, "are my peers really into what our speakers are telling us?!" I mean, come on...it's Friday, and we're learning about BUDGETS? No one in their right mind holds a meeting on Friday in our company, because most people check out Thursday afternoon, and return with a half-way lucid thought process Tuesday morning. Fridays are reserved for the mundane paperwork that each person dreads doing throughout their typical work week, but can do with their eyes closed. I am definitely one of those people.
As I felt my eyes get heavy, and my internal energy switch to its lowest gear, I quietly allowed myself to wonder into a "closed" place in my heart. A place where love once roamed freely and a place where pain was short lived. A place where happiness abound, and grossly outweighed sadness. I thought back to falling in love and how wonderful that feeling was. I remembered the days when bitterness was something I could only label on divorcees and not come close to understanding the term on my own. I remembered how easy it was. How sporadic, and how momentarily lovely it all was. At one time, love flowed freely through my heart, body, and soul, and invigorated all aspects of my life. It was in that instant, in the small, basement room with fluorescent lighting, that I decided I could...no, I WANTED to love again.
"I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only love." ~Mother Teresa
The first logical thought was, "are my peers really into what our speakers are telling us?!" I mean, come on...it's Friday, and we're learning about BUDGETS? No one in their right mind holds a meeting on Friday in our company, because most people check out Thursday afternoon, and return with a half-way lucid thought process Tuesday morning. Fridays are reserved for the mundane paperwork that each person dreads doing throughout their typical work week, but can do with their eyes closed. I am definitely one of those people.
As I felt my eyes get heavy, and my internal energy switch to its lowest gear, I quietly allowed myself to wonder into a "closed" place in my heart. A place where love once roamed freely and a place where pain was short lived. A place where happiness abound, and grossly outweighed sadness. I thought back to falling in love and how wonderful that feeling was. I remembered the days when bitterness was something I could only label on divorcees and not come close to understanding the term on my own. I remembered how easy it was. How sporadic, and how momentarily lovely it all was. At one time, love flowed freely through my heart, body, and soul, and invigorated all aspects of my life. It was in that instant, in the small, basement room with fluorescent lighting, that I decided I could...no, I WANTED to love again.
"I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only love." ~Mother Teresa
Friday, November 5, 2010
Vanilla Bean
There are, I believe, 2 types of people in this world.
There are people who appreciate a variety when it comes to food, and then you have people who prefer consistency when it comes to food.
I, obviously, fall into the first category. I know that even as a child I loved trying new restaurants, new dishes, and always had a desire to please my taste buds in a way that only a new, exotic taste would fulfill.
Over my (almost) 27 years here on earth, I have met a wide variety of people. Many of these people fall into the same category as me- enjoying new savory and mouthwatering adventures with their taste buds. I have also been surprised by the amount of people that I have come across who want absolutely nothing to do with my adventures into Indian, Japanese, or Vietnamese food. I use to regard these people as quite difficult, and rather annoying. I even coined the nickname "Vanilla Bean" for a dear friend, who simply wants nothing to do with trying new foods. For many years I have been perplexed at the unwillingness of some people to just TRY something new. I was married to someone with the "Vanilla Bean" mentality, which completely drove me insane! We would go to dinner, and there I would be- almost having an orgasm over a chocolate fondue with caramel (no nuts), and he would barely pick at the food, looking rather uninterested, which would always end with me being disappointed that I could not share one of the things that I am most passionate about with the person that I most loved.
To be honest, picky people tend to annoy the shit out of me. However, I have many friends who profess the "Vanilla Bean" mentality, and recently, I happened upon a discussion regarding this very topic with one of them. I met this guy through one of my recent dating escapades, and although I found myself wildly attracted to him, I ended up talking myself down from the ledge when I found out that he eats the same. thing. every. day.
*Bummer*
He tends to find it hilarious that I freak out over his eating habits, so he will occasionally indulge some of his recent menu information to me. The most recent was 37 continual lunch trips to the exact same restaurant, ordering the exact same meal- with variety being thrown in on Fridays (ordering a different type of meat on the same sandwich).
What
the
fuck?!
I almost literally had a meltdown for this poor guy, but when we got to talking about it, a light bulb went off in my head.
*This guy CRAVES consistency*
I don't know his entire life story, but what I do know about him, makes sense why he is this way. Many of the picky eaters in my life have had one, two, or several traumatizing events in their lives. I also think that in some particular cases, picky eaters have emerged due to the attention that they received in their early years of pickiness.
I will also mention, that picky eaters are also some of the most loyal and best friends I could ask for. Most likely due to the fact that they find the things in life that they love, and stick with it- religiously.
In my case, I love variety. I usually embrace change, and I have no problem welcoming new and improved things into my life. This is fun when it comes to food, however, can be damaging when it comes to relationships. I'm always looking for something better....scouring the earth for the thing that looks, tastes, and feels the best. The here and now isn't good enough, and so I continue on a search for the best. My very loved picky eaters, tend to find themselves more content in the here and the now, and don't worry so much about what they might have missed out on, or what new things may come their way.
In this recent discovery, I have a new appreciation for my "vanilla beans". They are a constant light in my life, and I wouldn't change them for the world.
I hope to be just as good of a friend to them and not portray the fickle side of me that so often wants to make an appearance.
Now, on to my curry dinner! :)
There are people who appreciate a variety when it comes to food, and then you have people who prefer consistency when it comes to food.
I, obviously, fall into the first category. I know that even as a child I loved trying new restaurants, new dishes, and always had a desire to please my taste buds in a way that only a new, exotic taste would fulfill.
Over my (almost) 27 years here on earth, I have met a wide variety of people. Many of these people fall into the same category as me- enjoying new savory and mouthwatering adventures with their taste buds. I have also been surprised by the amount of people that I have come across who want absolutely nothing to do with my adventures into Indian, Japanese, or Vietnamese food. I use to regard these people as quite difficult, and rather annoying. I even coined the nickname "Vanilla Bean" for a dear friend, who simply wants nothing to do with trying new foods. For many years I have been perplexed at the unwillingness of some people to just TRY something new. I was married to someone with the "Vanilla Bean" mentality, which completely drove me insane! We would go to dinner, and there I would be- almost having an orgasm over a chocolate fondue with caramel (no nuts), and he would barely pick at the food, looking rather uninterested, which would always end with me being disappointed that I could not share one of the things that I am most passionate about with the person that I most loved.
To be honest, picky people tend to annoy the shit out of me. However, I have many friends who profess the "Vanilla Bean" mentality, and recently, I happened upon a discussion regarding this very topic with one of them. I met this guy through one of my recent dating escapades, and although I found myself wildly attracted to him, I ended up talking myself down from the ledge when I found out that he eats the same. thing. every. day.
*Bummer*
He tends to find it hilarious that I freak out over his eating habits, so he will occasionally indulge some of his recent menu information to me. The most recent was 37 continual lunch trips to the exact same restaurant, ordering the exact same meal- with variety being thrown in on Fridays (ordering a different type of meat on the same sandwich).
What
the
fuck?!
I almost literally had a meltdown for this poor guy, but when we got to talking about it, a light bulb went off in my head.
*This guy CRAVES consistency*
I don't know his entire life story, but what I do know about him, makes sense why he is this way. Many of the picky eaters in my life have had one, two, or several traumatizing events in their lives. I also think that in some particular cases, picky eaters have emerged due to the attention that they received in their early years of pickiness.
I will also mention, that picky eaters are also some of the most loyal and best friends I could ask for. Most likely due to the fact that they find the things in life that they love, and stick with it- religiously.
In my case, I love variety. I usually embrace change, and I have no problem welcoming new and improved things into my life. This is fun when it comes to food, however, can be damaging when it comes to relationships. I'm always looking for something better....scouring the earth for the thing that looks, tastes, and feels the best. The here and now isn't good enough, and so I continue on a search for the best. My very loved picky eaters, tend to find themselves more content in the here and the now, and don't worry so much about what they might have missed out on, or what new things may come their way.
In this recent discovery, I have a new appreciation for my "vanilla beans". They are a constant light in my life, and I wouldn't change them for the world.
I hope to be just as good of a friend to them and not portray the fickle side of me that so often wants to make an appearance.
Now, on to my curry dinner! :)
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