I just returned from my first night to "Curves". With the introductory price, they should also throw in a prescription of Xanax laced with Prozac, because let me tell ya- when you leave from orientation, all you want is a pitcher of margarita's, some Jimmy Buffet music, and a prescription to make the fat rolls disappear (or maybe just to take your mind off of the fact that you really ARE a fat ass).
In my defense, I have spent the entire year in agonizing back pain, which resulted in back surgery nearly 8 months after trying to fix the problem holistically. In my defense, I have not been able to work out due to the pain and the surgery. In my defense, the doctors put me on medications to help with the nerve pain, which side effects included "weight gain". But, on top of allllll of these excuses- lies a much bigger problem- EATING, inactivity, EATING, more inactivity, and even more EATING!
My Curves instructor was a mere 69 years old, and when I told her that I have an "eating disorder", and then started laughing about it, she got very concerned. I thought it was pretty funny- but, she did not! She ran over and got one of her books that she usually sells for $9.99, and told me that it was being put to good use in my hands. Boy, I hope I don't let Ms. Sandra down! Ms. Sandra also told me that I needed to lose 50 pounds in order to get back to my high school weight. I also laughed at her (and mostly at myself), because I find that goal completely unreachable. 50 pounds?!?!?! Are you fucking kidding me?!?! This isn't The Biggest Loser, and I certainly don't see Jillian or Bob around to persuade me to stop eating the delicious cake that my brother just made, nor are they around to get my fat ass on a treadmill for 18 hours per day! You're looking at a girl (ahem, woman) who barely has the energy to dress herself in the morning, so I think it's best that we start with a goal of 10 pounds- and go from there.
I WANT to be thin again...I really do. But, what I want more than that is to FEEL thin! God, I haven't FELT thin in a long time. I long for the day that I don't have to do squats in the morning to get my pants to finally fit, and I'm also ready to get back into a size where I LOOK good- you know those days when you FEEL thin, which in turn makes you FEEL confident. My new bra size is 36DD, and believe me, I wasn't high-fiving the Victoria's Secret salesperson with this news. Shirts will barely button around my chest, and pants will barely button around my hips! This is out of control, and BY FAR, the fattest I've ever gotten- and hopefully Ms. Sandra has some secrets in store for me at Curves. If not, I'm going to schedule a session of lypo with a doctor in Mexico. Ariiiiba!
Hang in there friend! It's so hard to lose weight in a healthy way...but its so rewarding when you do. My weight has been see-sawing between "almost healthy" and "almost can't wear my pants" for the last year. And I think i have gotten to a point where I'm a bit more ok with that then I should be. I'm just not ready to give up on Ben and Jerry.
ReplyDeleteMore power to ya sister! I've been dealing with hormone imbalances and digestion issues causing weight gain and lots of pain, even though we eat super healthy, a lot of organic, and exercise on a regular basis. WTF, right? I, too, miss being able to fit into my pants without having to strategically shimmy into them. I only have 3 pair I can actually button right now, and they are the biggest size I've ever bought. I have to wear loose shirts to cover my "preggo" belly, even though I'm not pregnant, or to hide the massive fat roll that suddenly appears when I sit down. It's f-cking annoying, and depressing, but we will kick the fat lady out of our bodies!! I just want you to know you're not alone in the frustrating battle against loving food and hating being fat!
ReplyDelete-Emily (Reid, that is!)