The other day I convinced a girlfriend to join an online dating website with me. Granted, we BOTH need to get the hell out of the house and probably need to get laid, but that's beside the point. Online dating is a habitual way of entertainment for me. I am always SHOCKED at the type of guys that I find online, and after 1 bad experience with a date, I'll take my profile down and swear off dating....then, approximately 2-3 months later, I find myself signing back up because the thrill of the unknown gets me every time. This time, signing up was more due to the fact that I got a coupon for 50% off the 1st 3 months- I figured, "what the hell?!".
I received my first matches within 24 hours, and was almost immediately feeling defeated. Here I am, 5 years after my divorce, and I STILL can't find a guy that really interests me. Many of these guys seem nice- probably have the right thing to offer- just not to me. And so I make my way through sorting through the "maybes", the "hell no's", and the "I would need to see him in person to deceifer this mess". I am an optimist by nature, a pessimest by men.
The next morning I get a match with someone who states their ethnic origin as "other", "6 feet tall", and is a college graduate- see, my standards aren't THAT high. As I was giving this website a mental high five, I decided to take a leap and see what this guy was all about. Interesting. Charming. Seems genuine and sincere. And so this begins our full day of communication. It was a lot of fun, and we have even planned a date for later this same day. I have already prayed to God and asked for Him to please not let this guy be a HUGE douchebag...I'll keep you posted on what God has in store for me.
The thing is, this guy may not be prince charming...who knows, really?? But, the more I keep myself couped up in my house- as far away from men as humanly possible- where is that going to get me?? I'll tell you where- in a doctor's office in a couple more years getting inseminated by a plastic syringe. And yes, this is a possibility that I have already accepted in my life! For now though, I think it's best that I continue to search for MY match rather than a donor match. There's someone for everyone....right?
The irony in all of this is that my date comes exactly 5 years after my marriage. It's funny how things work. I guess God decided it was against His better judgment to keep me home, another night alone, when I should be able to celebrate just a little bit just how far my life has come in these past 5 years. After my date, I look forward to PJ partying it up with my online dating cohort and good friend - I have a feeling the next 3 months of this madness will be good for both of us girls.
Friday, August 20, 2010
Monday, August 9, 2010
Big, Bigger, Biggest
I just returned from my first night to "Curves". With the introductory price, they should also throw in a prescription of Xanax laced with Prozac, because let me tell ya- when you leave from orientation, all you want is a pitcher of margarita's, some Jimmy Buffet music, and a prescription to make the fat rolls disappear (or maybe just to take your mind off of the fact that you really ARE a fat ass).
In my defense, I have spent the entire year in agonizing back pain, which resulted in back surgery nearly 8 months after trying to fix the problem holistically. In my defense, I have not been able to work out due to the pain and the surgery. In my defense, the doctors put me on medications to help with the nerve pain, which side effects included "weight gain". But, on top of allllll of these excuses- lies a much bigger problem- EATING, inactivity, EATING, more inactivity, and even more EATING!
My Curves instructor was a mere 69 years old, and when I told her that I have an "eating disorder", and then started laughing about it, she got very concerned. I thought it was pretty funny- but, she did not! She ran over and got one of her books that she usually sells for $9.99, and told me that it was being put to good use in my hands. Boy, I hope I don't let Ms. Sandra down! Ms. Sandra also told me that I needed to lose 50 pounds in order to get back to my high school weight. I also laughed at her (and mostly at myself), because I find that goal completely unreachable. 50 pounds?!?!?! Are you fucking kidding me?!?! This isn't The Biggest Loser, and I certainly don't see Jillian or Bob around to persuade me to stop eating the delicious cake that my brother just made, nor are they around to get my fat ass on a treadmill for 18 hours per day! You're looking at a girl (ahem, woman) who barely has the energy to dress herself in the morning, so I think it's best that we start with a goal of 10 pounds- and go from there.
I WANT to be thin again...I really do. But, what I want more than that is to FEEL thin! God, I haven't FELT thin in a long time. I long for the day that I don't have to do squats in the morning to get my pants to finally fit, and I'm also ready to get back into a size where I LOOK good- you know those days when you FEEL thin, which in turn makes you FEEL confident. My new bra size is 36DD, and believe me, I wasn't high-fiving the Victoria's Secret salesperson with this news. Shirts will barely button around my chest, and pants will barely button around my hips! This is out of control, and BY FAR, the fattest I've ever gotten- and hopefully Ms. Sandra has some secrets in store for me at Curves. If not, I'm going to schedule a session of lypo with a doctor in Mexico. Ariiiiba!
In my defense, I have spent the entire year in agonizing back pain, which resulted in back surgery nearly 8 months after trying to fix the problem holistically. In my defense, I have not been able to work out due to the pain and the surgery. In my defense, the doctors put me on medications to help with the nerve pain, which side effects included "weight gain". But, on top of allllll of these excuses- lies a much bigger problem- EATING, inactivity, EATING, more inactivity, and even more EATING!
My Curves instructor was a mere 69 years old, and when I told her that I have an "eating disorder", and then started laughing about it, she got very concerned. I thought it was pretty funny- but, she did not! She ran over and got one of her books that she usually sells for $9.99, and told me that it was being put to good use in my hands. Boy, I hope I don't let Ms. Sandra down! Ms. Sandra also told me that I needed to lose 50 pounds in order to get back to my high school weight. I also laughed at her (and mostly at myself), because I find that goal completely unreachable. 50 pounds?!?!?! Are you fucking kidding me?!?! This isn't The Biggest Loser, and I certainly don't see Jillian or Bob around to persuade me to stop eating the delicious cake that my brother just made, nor are they around to get my fat ass on a treadmill for 18 hours per day! You're looking at a girl (ahem, woman) who barely has the energy to dress herself in the morning, so I think it's best that we start with a goal of 10 pounds- and go from there.
I WANT to be thin again...I really do. But, what I want more than that is to FEEL thin! God, I haven't FELT thin in a long time. I long for the day that I don't have to do squats in the morning to get my pants to finally fit, and I'm also ready to get back into a size where I LOOK good- you know those days when you FEEL thin, which in turn makes you FEEL confident. My new bra size is 36DD, and believe me, I wasn't high-fiving the Victoria's Secret salesperson with this news. Shirts will barely button around my chest, and pants will barely button around my hips! This is out of control, and BY FAR, the fattest I've ever gotten- and hopefully Ms. Sandra has some secrets in store for me at Curves. If not, I'm going to schedule a session of lypo with a doctor in Mexico. Ariiiiba!
Monday, August 2, 2010
Nerds, Gays, and Marriage- Oh my!
I was still laying in bed for the 2nd day in a row with a sour stomach and unwashed hair. Honestly, I wanted to blame the whole thing on a horrible case of PMS, but my sensible half knew that was only the beginning of my problems. It was August 1st, and along with the symptoms of bloating, tiredness, frumpiness, cravings, and self-loathing, I had a fresh, steaming pile of guilt to top it all off.
When I was a kid, I was pretty damn awesome. I grew up in a small town with a lot of regular people, and did my best to set myself apart. For starters, I was the only Greek girl in town (besides my sister), and I let everyone know it. Parents of my friends told them I was going to burn in hell because I wasn't "saved", and others pretended to be intrigued- all along placing me right into the burning pits with the Catholics- which in my mind wasn't such a bad place to be- but in small town Tennessee, no one knows anything about Catholicism except for the Catholics, and it was practically the same as throwing me in with the Muslims. To be honest, it was one of the only things that set me apart from the rest of my friends, so I used it to my advantage. I liked being different- even if their mom's were convinced that I would one day take a hike to the dark side. I always had a tan, grew enormous boobs by the age of 10, and had a mouth like a sailor by the age of 12.
Ok, so the boobs probably weren't an attributing factor to being Greek, but who am I to decide these things.
I played every sport a girl was allowed to play and was voted as Student Council President every year- until my Senior year- which I graduated early and wasn't eligible. I was lucky enough to play a part in a few of the Homecoming and Cominghome celebrations, and I'm pretty sure I only got voted into these spots because my parents taught me to be kind to EVERYONE...gays, blacks, Indians, and nerds. I had a lot of nerdy friends, and I am pretty sure that it was due to the nerds "pull" that I got voted in for anything. I wasn't necessarily "in" with the popular crowd, but I wasn't completely excluded either. I had a large group of diverse friends....well, as diverse as this little town could produce.
Somewhere between 18 and 26, I made a lot happen. Graduated from college with my bachelor's at 21, married my HS sweetheart, divorced my HS sweetheart, traveled to Europe, and I've held 2 great jobs.
August 1st was upon me, and it felt as if doomsday had rolled into town. I don't like to acknowledge this month for 2 reasons:
1.) July is hot enough, then August rolls around like hell on wheels and throws us for a REAL loop- reaching into the low 100's with a 200% humidity factor.
2.) This was also the month that I married my best friend of 4 years. This was the month that set my whole world apart. This was the month I made a BIG mistake.
When I was a little girl, I wanted to get married, have a beautiful wedding, and have lots of babies. In my mind, they were specifically Greek babies, because my father was always convinced that his kids would all marry Greeks. Yeah right, Dad. Raise your family in Chicago, and this could have been a reality- not in a southern town with a bunch of Baptist's running around! Haha...so, of course, in spite of my father, I married one of those Baptist's. We had the beautiful wedding that I always dreamed of- and still, to this day, it remains one of the best days of my life. Of course, everything that follows is a whirlwind of tribulations that are best left between the divorcee's. And it was right, smack dab in the middle of August. Hottest day of the year.
Every year when August rolls around, I think to myself..."How did all of that happen so quickly?". In just a blink of an eye my marriage ended and I often wonder what made it so easy to give up. This is probably part of the reason why I am such a disaster when it comes to dating. I don't trust myself, or the man that is presented to me. I see them mostly as worms- a parasite that will eat away at my life if I let it.
So, what happened to the girl that was so eager to get involved and be everyone's friend? I know that along each of our journey's in life, we learn and we grow. I have learned a lot from my past, and I do continue to grow, but the more I learn about people, the more I close myself off to any potential partner and opt for the closest chocolate bar in site. Hey, I will put that pilates dvd in later. Yeah right.
"My name is Christina, and I am an emotional eater."
So, behind the additional 30lbs that I have put on since HS, I am still the same girl with that same sense to be a crowd pleaser, and make the most out of my life with amazing people by my side. I still prefer the nerds, because they are more trustworthy and have more to offer in a conversation than the latest news on Lindsay Lohan. I also have a strong connection to the gays and the blacks, which I'm pretty sure I have been both in previous lives.
I realize more now, at 26 1/2, that I AM a strong, independent, trustworthy, go-getting woman. At 18 these are things you aspire to be, but until you live a little and break through your own shame, your own guilt, and your own chains of life- you will never fully recognize your own potential.
"I am woman. Hear me roar!"
Yeah right. For today, I will pick the pieces up and continue to move down the path of breaking free of my own chains that I have wrapped myself in. I have a great life, with a great family, and beautiful friends- but, my life has its imperfections. Which, my imperfections get to be shoved in my face every time I look at a calendar (God, I can't wait for September 1st). For the time being, I will avoid writing checks and placing any ebay ads which confine me to a day and a time. I'm going to freeball this month, and see where it takes me. I hope I'm not still lying in bed by August 31st. If so, someone please call an asylum to come pick me up.
When I was a kid, I was pretty damn awesome. I grew up in a small town with a lot of regular people, and did my best to set myself apart. For starters, I was the only Greek girl in town (besides my sister), and I let everyone know it. Parents of my friends told them I was going to burn in hell because I wasn't "saved", and others pretended to be intrigued- all along placing me right into the burning pits with the Catholics- which in my mind wasn't such a bad place to be- but in small town Tennessee, no one knows anything about Catholicism except for the Catholics, and it was practically the same as throwing me in with the Muslims. To be honest, it was one of the only things that set me apart from the rest of my friends, so I used it to my advantage. I liked being different- even if their mom's were convinced that I would one day take a hike to the dark side. I always had a tan, grew enormous boobs by the age of 10, and had a mouth like a sailor by the age of 12.
Ok, so the boobs probably weren't an attributing factor to being Greek, but who am I to decide these things.
I played every sport a girl was allowed to play and was voted as Student Council President every year- until my Senior year- which I graduated early and wasn't eligible. I was lucky enough to play a part in a few of the Homecoming and Cominghome celebrations, and I'm pretty sure I only got voted into these spots because my parents taught me to be kind to EVERYONE...gays, blacks, Indians, and nerds. I had a lot of nerdy friends, and I am pretty sure that it was due to the nerds "pull" that I got voted in for anything. I wasn't necessarily "in" with the popular crowd, but I wasn't completely excluded either. I had a large group of diverse friends....well, as diverse as this little town could produce.
Somewhere between 18 and 26, I made a lot happen. Graduated from college with my bachelor's at 21, married my HS sweetheart, divorced my HS sweetheart, traveled to Europe, and I've held 2 great jobs.
August 1st was upon me, and it felt as if doomsday had rolled into town. I don't like to acknowledge this month for 2 reasons:
1.) July is hot enough, then August rolls around like hell on wheels and throws us for a REAL loop- reaching into the low 100's with a 200% humidity factor.
2.) This was also the month that I married my best friend of 4 years. This was the month that set my whole world apart. This was the month I made a BIG mistake.
When I was a little girl, I wanted to get married, have a beautiful wedding, and have lots of babies. In my mind, they were specifically Greek babies, because my father was always convinced that his kids would all marry Greeks. Yeah right, Dad. Raise your family in Chicago, and this could have been a reality- not in a southern town with a bunch of Baptist's running around! Haha...so, of course, in spite of my father, I married one of those Baptist's. We had the beautiful wedding that I always dreamed of- and still, to this day, it remains one of the best days of my life. Of course, everything that follows is a whirlwind of tribulations that are best left between the divorcee's. And it was right, smack dab in the middle of August. Hottest day of the year.
Every year when August rolls around, I think to myself..."How did all of that happen so quickly?". In just a blink of an eye my marriage ended and I often wonder what made it so easy to give up. This is probably part of the reason why I am such a disaster when it comes to dating. I don't trust myself, or the man that is presented to me. I see them mostly as worms- a parasite that will eat away at my life if I let it.
So, what happened to the girl that was so eager to get involved and be everyone's friend? I know that along each of our journey's in life, we learn and we grow. I have learned a lot from my past, and I do continue to grow, but the more I learn about people, the more I close myself off to any potential partner and opt for the closest chocolate bar in site. Hey, I will put that pilates dvd in later. Yeah right.
"My name is Christina, and I am an emotional eater."
So, behind the additional 30lbs that I have put on since HS, I am still the same girl with that same sense to be a crowd pleaser, and make the most out of my life with amazing people by my side. I still prefer the nerds, because they are more trustworthy and have more to offer in a conversation than the latest news on Lindsay Lohan. I also have a strong connection to the gays and the blacks, which I'm pretty sure I have been both in previous lives.
I realize more now, at 26 1/2, that I AM a strong, independent, trustworthy, go-getting woman. At 18 these are things you aspire to be, but until you live a little and break through your own shame, your own guilt, and your own chains of life- you will never fully recognize your own potential.
"I am woman. Hear me roar!"
Yeah right. For today, I will pick the pieces up and continue to move down the path of breaking free of my own chains that I have wrapped myself in. I have a great life, with a great family, and beautiful friends- but, my life has its imperfections. Which, my imperfections get to be shoved in my face every time I look at a calendar (God, I can't wait for September 1st). For the time being, I will avoid writing checks and placing any ebay ads which confine me to a day and a time. I'm going to freeball this month, and see where it takes me. I hope I'm not still lying in bed by August 31st. If so, someone please call an asylum to come pick me up.
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Lime Concoction- aka- Homemade Margarita's
If you LOVE margarita's, but hate the mixes that are found in stores, I have just the recipe for you!
What you will need:
- 1 gallon of drinking water
- funnel
- 1 cup of sugar
- triple sec, curacao, or grand marnier
- 1 regular bottle of concentrated lime juice
- Some kind of juice based on your taste preferences. I usually go with an orange, mango, peach blend to give it a tropical taste.
How to prep:
- Pour the water out of the gallon, until you are left with approx 1/3 water in the gallon.
- Add the bottle of lime juice into the water.
- Add the cup of sugar by using the funnel.
- Add 3/4 cup of the triple sec, curacao, or grand marnier to the mixture.
- Then add your fruit juice until the gallon is almost full (leaving room to shake it well and blend the sugar)
- Shake well and refrigerate until ready to use.
- Add Tequila (my preference is a blanco) to taste!
If you are really interested in delighting the taste buds, try squeezing fresh limes instead of using the lime concentrate- either way you go, you will be SO much happier with this mix than the stuff you get from the stores, and this is cheap and easy (just like your arch enemy).
απολαύσει!
(apoláfsei!)
(enjoy!)
Erotas Trofi
What you will need:
- 1 gallon of drinking water
- funnel
- 1 cup of sugar
- triple sec, curacao, or grand marnier
- 1 regular bottle of concentrated lime juice
- Some kind of juice based on your taste preferences. I usually go with an orange, mango, peach blend to give it a tropical taste.
How to prep:
- Pour the water out of the gallon, until you are left with approx 1/3 water in the gallon.
- Add the bottle of lime juice into the water.
- Add the cup of sugar by using the funnel.
- Add 3/4 cup of the triple sec, curacao, or grand marnier to the mixture.
- Then add your fruit juice until the gallon is almost full (leaving room to shake it well and blend the sugar)
- Shake well and refrigerate until ready to use.
- Add Tequila (my preference is a blanco) to taste!
If you are really interested in delighting the taste buds, try squeezing fresh limes instead of using the lime concentrate- either way you go, you will be SO much happier with this mix than the stuff you get from the stores, and this is cheap and easy (just like your arch enemy).
απολαύσει!
(apoláfsei!)
(enjoy!)
Erotas Trofi
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