I am finally into month 2 of my 3 month online dating stint. I gave myself 3 months because the 50% off coupon was only valid for that time period, and I was pretty convinced that this would be a relatively easy process. Boy, was I wrong. I have a huge mix of emotions when it comes to my experiences thus far. I have been on dates with 5 different guys, and I don't have a bad thing to say about any of them. 1 of them, in fact, will most likely be a long-term friend and sounding board for many topics. The others....well, they were all nice, but there has to be more than "nice", right??? I long for the date when you both show up, look lovingly into each other’s eyes, and decide that you never want to leave without that person! "Calling Ms. K to the psych ward", I know...
As much of a cynic as I am when it comes to men, there IS a passion for love and relationship deep within my soul. One of my favorite things about the Orthodox Church is the value that they place on love, and being loved. It is truly one of the best gifts that God gave us, and I know I would be missing out to never have that again in my life. So, I search for "it"...like a lost kid who wonders if anyone will TRULY ever love me for the person that I have become- through the hurt, the shame, the tears, and the resounding independence that I seem to sprout more and more of everyday. Independence is a great thing, but I find myself often thinking how much a man would disrupt my lovely way of life. Obviously this feeling is the lesser of my options, because I continue to search for the "one"...like Neo and Trinity.
Eventually, I'm sure that time will win, and when I'm least expecting it- I will be slapped in the face by my future forever lover (at least, this is what my mom tells me). Right now, I am going to continue to forward the hilarious matches that I receive daily, and share them with my friends.
Signing out-
Cynically Devout Love Seeker
And for your entertainment:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8FefWp_4B0k
Monday, September 27, 2010
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Happiness
Happiness has recently come to me in all kinds of forms. Here is my short list:
Successfully potty training the foster dog, "Chi Chi"
Having my house cleaned- by someone else
Hiking
Cooking for family and friends
My relationship with my parents
Renewing my commitment to the Orthodox Church
When I think about the things that make me happy, it all boils down to a few stability factors: emotional stability, physical stability, mental stability, and spiritual stability. With the exception of the money that I spent on having my house cleaned, none of the above things require money to be happy. And, the only reason I paid someone to clean my house is to have more time to spend with the people that I love and enjoy being around, so I don't consider that materialistic. Plus, having a clean house has been great for my sanity!
I topped off the end of August by throwing a party for my high school girlfriends and their moms. I cooked a traditional Greek cuisine and honestly had an amazing time. Having friends and family all combined in the same house, sitting at the same table, eating the same food, is something that fills my heart with contentment. I think it's the feeling of love, respect, admiration, and fulfillment that each of us brought to the table that night, and it excites me to have lifelong friends who I KNOW will always be by my side. Each of us girls come from such different backgrounds, have been through such different things, and we've all ended up in different places in life- but, ultimately, we all love and respect each other. It's nice to have that comradery.
Starting the month of September was a refresher for me. I felt a great weight being lifted- and not being haunted by the d-day month of August, is a nice thing. September makes me happy...the cooler weather, the warm colors, and the thought of the holiday season brings a sense of calm to my heart,
As I look at my life, and where I am today, I know that happiness comes from within. It comes from the place when my mom texts me with "I love you so much", it comes from the place when I get to see my best friends kids play soccer, it comes from the place when the foster dog sleeps as close to me as possible- when just months earlier he was scared of any human contact. Happiness is just a word, but that word holds the context of which every day should be observed.
Successfully potty training the foster dog, "Chi Chi"
Having my house cleaned- by someone else
Hiking
Cooking for family and friends
My relationship with my parents
Renewing my commitment to the Orthodox Church
When I think about the things that make me happy, it all boils down to a few stability factors: emotional stability, physical stability, mental stability, and spiritual stability. With the exception of the money that I spent on having my house cleaned, none of the above things require money to be happy. And, the only reason I paid someone to clean my house is to have more time to spend with the people that I love and enjoy being around, so I don't consider that materialistic. Plus, having a clean house has been great for my sanity!
I topped off the end of August by throwing a party for my high school girlfriends and their moms. I cooked a traditional Greek cuisine and honestly had an amazing time. Having friends and family all combined in the same house, sitting at the same table, eating the same food, is something that fills my heart with contentment. I think it's the feeling of love, respect, admiration, and fulfillment that each of us brought to the table that night, and it excites me to have lifelong friends who I KNOW will always be by my side. Each of us girls come from such different backgrounds, have been through such different things, and we've all ended up in different places in life- but, ultimately, we all love and respect each other. It's nice to have that comradery.
Starting the month of September was a refresher for me. I felt a great weight being lifted- and not being haunted by the d-day month of August, is a nice thing. September makes me happy...the cooler weather, the warm colors, and the thought of the holiday season brings a sense of calm to my heart,
As I look at my life, and where I am today, I know that happiness comes from within. It comes from the place when my mom texts me with "I love you so much", it comes from the place when I get to see my best friends kids play soccer, it comes from the place when the foster dog sleeps as close to me as possible- when just months earlier he was scared of any human contact. Happiness is just a word, but that word holds the context of which every day should be observed.
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Only Time Will Tell
Online dating has to be one of the most ridiculous things we can do as single human beings. I am in the process of a 3 month long stint with online dating, so I fall into this category of "ridiculous single human beings". Many of you probably already know this, but online dating really allows you to flaunt all of the good things about yourself. "I'm good at this", "I work hard at that", "I like this", "I have this and that"...nowhere, not on ONE profile (of the 96 matches that have been sent to me) does it state how bad someone is at something- anything! There is no place on the profile to state your flaws, no where does it ask you about what you can't do, where you fail in relationships...ultimately, the reason why we're all stuck in the online dating world in the first place! So you meet someone, and you immediately have a nice, tidy picture of the other person. Things appear quite nice on the profile.
I will admit that even my profile is filled with the things that have come to annoy me most about everyone else's. I am very quick to talk about all of the positive things in my life- and on the surface- there really isn't much of a reason for anyone NOT to like me....unless, they don't like brunette's. I also continue to be surprised with UGLINESS! I'm not talking just plain looking, ordinary Joe's...I'm talking FUGLY! I've had one guy sent to me sitting on a stool in a Christmas sweater, holding a tuba as if it were his prized possession. I know- some of you are thinking "that HAS to be a joke", but I can assure you, it wasn't a joke. This guy had picture after picture of him and his tuba and it made me reminisce "This one time, at band camp....". Then, there was the guy with red hair, red rimmed glasses, and a maroon suit. Again, not a joke. I could go on and on, but I will spare you. By this time, you get the picture.
So, I've had a couple of dates, had some fun conversation, and enough nerves to rattle a snake. Is it worth it? According to my online dating website, everyday 542 people marry from meeting right there. *542*!!! That's enough to make even ME skeptical about my own skepticism. Hmmm....
What I fear: having a surge in dates and only meeting more jerk-offs and becoming even more cynical towards men. After 1 failed marriage and a couple of really bad broken relationships, I can tell you that I have enough cynicism towards men to almost munch the carpet. But rather than destroy all of my heterosexual hopes and dreams, I am going to carry on with my 3 month term in the online dating world. I know that I have a lot to offer, and maybe somewhere, somehow, someone will see through all of the bullshit on my profile, and settle for a real human being.
It's funny, because even after my experience thus far, I still wake up excited every morning that maybe...just MAYBE, today will be the day that the online dating gods are in favor of creating a 1/542 chance for me. As my mom frequently reminds me, "Only time will tell".
I will admit that even my profile is filled with the things that have come to annoy me most about everyone else's. I am very quick to talk about all of the positive things in my life- and on the surface- there really isn't much of a reason for anyone NOT to like me....unless, they don't like brunette's. I also continue to be surprised with UGLINESS! I'm not talking just plain looking, ordinary Joe's...I'm talking FUGLY! I've had one guy sent to me sitting on a stool in a Christmas sweater, holding a tuba as if it were his prized possession. I know- some of you are thinking "that HAS to be a joke", but I can assure you, it wasn't a joke. This guy had picture after picture of him and his tuba and it made me reminisce "This one time, at band camp....". Then, there was the guy with red hair, red rimmed glasses, and a maroon suit. Again, not a joke. I could go on and on, but I will spare you. By this time, you get the picture.
So, I've had a couple of dates, had some fun conversation, and enough nerves to rattle a snake. Is it worth it? According to my online dating website, everyday 542 people marry from meeting right there. *542*!!! That's enough to make even ME skeptical about my own skepticism. Hmmm....
What I fear: having a surge in dates and only meeting more jerk-offs and becoming even more cynical towards men. After 1 failed marriage and a couple of really bad broken relationships, I can tell you that I have enough cynicism towards men to almost munch the carpet. But rather than destroy all of my heterosexual hopes and dreams, I am going to carry on with my 3 month term in the online dating world. I know that I have a lot to offer, and maybe somewhere, somehow, someone will see through all of the bullshit on my profile, and settle for a real human being.
It's funny, because even after my experience thus far, I still wake up excited every morning that maybe...just MAYBE, today will be the day that the online dating gods are in favor of creating a 1/542 chance for me. As my mom frequently reminds me, "Only time will tell".
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