Take your pick

When I was a little girl, my parents would occasionally haul us off to the Greek Orthodox Church in Nashville. If we were really lucky- we would have lunch out together afterwards in a Chinese restaurant or McDonald's. Usually, as is customary for cheap Greeks, dad would encourage us to eat as much baklava, kourabiedes, and loukoumades as we could possibly handle after our church service, which the older Greek ladies would supply for the congregation- because there is only one way to keep Greeks hanging around...FOOD.
When we weren't busy stuffing our faces with delectable Greek pastries, or if my dad got a wild hair up his ass, we would venture out as a family to a place like McDonald's or the Golden Dragon. Here's how things would usually go for our family of 5:

McDonald's
6 cheeseburgers- we each got a cheeseburger, dad would have 2
1 large fry- we each got about 3 fries
1 large orange Hi-C- free refills, need I say more??
Happy Meals- forget about it! No man with any common-sense would waste his money on such BS.

Golden Dragon
1 large order of hot and sour soup
2 large orders of lo mein.
water for everyone

When I reached the age of 10, I was huge. Seriously, I had grown so much, and my father was convinced that I was to be the next Michael Jordan in the female sector of sports. With this growth spurt came a whole new appetite. I was taller than my mom, and I was one hungry Greek girl. I'll never forget the numerous amount of times that my dad would try to convince the waiters that I was 6 or under, and needed to be kept on a children's menu. How embarrassing. I'm sure it was very obvious that I was eating more than macaroni and cheese off of a $2 menu to keep my body sustained. As luck would have it, one day at O'Charley's, my aunt told me I could order "anything that you want", and so I did. I ordered the club sandwich and fries, ate the whole thing, and never let my dad live it down. I actually still give him hell about it, and to this day, I am extremely territorial when it comes to my food, and I am still nervous my dad is going to ask for a kids menu when we venture out for dinner. Don't put a wedge between a chubby Greek girl and her food...

For all intents and purposes, I know my father meant well. He had a mediocre job when we were young, and I'm sure he was more focused on housing, college funds, and wedding funds, as opposed to Happy Meal funds. But, to a young kid- what more do you have, really?? When all of your hopes, dreams, and desires rest on some piece of shit toy made by sweatshop employees in Asia, and bouncy balls covered in some 3 year olds urine- there really isn't anywhere to go but up, right?? I remember those hopes and dreams vividly, and I can say that I still have resentment towards my parents for their unwillingness to cooperate in achieving them.

Somewhere around the age of 12, my parents decided to really throw us for a loop. Dad must have gotten a big raise at work, because one day after church they took us to Old Country Buffet. This was like discovering Heaven on a greasy, carbo-loaded, deep-fried platter! It was one of the first places that I wasn't forced to drink water, because the soda was included- I was ecstatic! Carved ham, shaved turkey, mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, fried potatoes, broccoli, salad bar, dessert bar. Yes, seriously, this was what every chubby, pre-teen, jilted girl needed. I also believe this might have even been the beginning of my "emotional eating disorder" because I don't remember a time since the invention of Spanx that I was happier. I was free to eat whatever I wanted, leave what I wanted, and go back for more. Although times have changed, and I prefer my buffets to be made up of men and/or shoes...the desires and the consequences haven't changed much. I believe in the saying "too much of a good thing", because as I finally came to the end of my marathon eating adventure, I had to excuse myself for what would later come to be known as "IBS" in my early adulthood. I was sick for days over my overindulgence on fried, broiled, and baked foods that were probably some of the poorest food qualities known to Nashville. These days, I steer clear from any form of buffets...I've learned that even when everything looks good on your plate, most of the time, it's too good to be true. But, it just so happens, I can still enjoy an order of Lo Mein or a simple cheeseburger and fries.